hot like mexico

Had an intense weekend. went straight to philly after school on friday and met up with justin and max, went to the park and drank joose and 4loko for free. got sloppy drunk and just ran around, fooled around, played around. justin put me on his sholders and started running, we face planted. i hurt. then as we were leaving, me, cone and justin were about a block away on our bikes when i ran into a speeding taxi. fucked my bike up. it was hilarious, i was wasted. pissed that my bike was fucked up and unridable, i walked home to cones. the next day i showered at corinnas then hung out with justin and cone and jay and jaime, got more drunk. really drunk. almost black out drunk. jaime filled me in the next day on the things i was doing. i passed out on beckys car for a good half hour, they took pictures of it. 4loko brings out the peppa in me.
made quacamole in rittenhouse with filthy hands and filthy supplies with jaime and jay.<3
i am hopefully going to take beckys place in july at 3rd and manton. gotta get a job. i emailed doug. we'll see. mimi and gill are bitches and they can be miserable and alone together.

last night dad went away and i had ryan come over. we hadn't seen eachother in months. we had amazing sex like always. it's just sex. actual fucking. fucking is amazing. love making is for grown ups. i'm a child in a playground called philadelphia.

i graduate beauty school in a week. FUCK YEAH.
lovin life.

got send home from school today. if i had a dollar for everytime that happened, i'd be rich. just bullshit and ghetto teachers. im goin to philly.

ps. i think i fell inlove last night with someone i shouldn't have.

FEELING MANIC

First day of school. cursed them out already.
its ok though. ima do this.
4 klonapins a day now.
i just hate how i get home and alex and eamon and andrew and sally are going to play an hour away from here and i cant go cause i have SCHOOL. fuckit. FUCK THAT.
this shit better pay off.
I'm horny SO horny.

Incredibly naughty cafeteria ladies from outer space

Im really sad? this is stupid.
i miss my house.
i miss my friends.
i need motivation.
feeling so SHITTY. like WHATS GONNA HAPPENnnn?!?! where's my life going??? but then again, i'm SO young. 20. i shouldn't be worrying. that's why i loved her because she came off so care free and fun loving. but after getting to know her really REALLY well, she's first off, crazy, cares TOO much, and you have to walk on egg shells around her because if you do something she doesn't like she'll prosecute you. not fun anymore. but then again i miss her so much. EW STOP. shut up. every day i feel like i want to pick up the phone and text her or maybe even call her but then again no. going in circles forever? why? with someone who doesn't even really love me. NO.

i'm going to go text her.

epiph

i just realized what i want to do with my life. yeah ill get my cosmetology license but after that, once i have enough money, i'm gonna get a van, and turn the back into a bed, maybe bring one or 2 people with me and just drive all over the country. make friends everywhere and cut their hair, get little jobs here and there, be happy and explore the world. yay

MY MAGICS REAL SO WHY ARENT I USING IT?

Today i went to the bird haus twice. BUG OUT CITY WEIRD SHIT.
Gill and i cleaned our friends kett and kris' house. then we went to Gavin (their manager, our ex-manager) and met some german girls.

klonapins are losing there magic. maybe i'm losing my magic. NO.


I wish i still had a car, and a job.
Graduate
Get cosmetology license
Get job
Save money
Move out
Where to?
Philly or CA or somewhere else.
Do it all very soon. no pressure. have fun while you're doin it.

Today i moved out of the Bird Haus, and back in Jersey with dad.
I feel weird. I just want to ride my bike to the train right now and go ride and play in philly. I feel so weird living in Jersey. this is WEIRd man. weird man. weird man.

I feel weird, man.
It's scarey.

I might go ride around the driveway with the girls.

I need to go back to Philly.
Tuesday i start school. June 18th i graduate. then i plan on fleeing. maybe i wont even tell anyone. but i have a big mouth.

theres a little girl in my house that im gonna tie up and tape her mouth shut. she's just being annoying. annoying 8 year olds all around this place.

there are spiders in my room.
i'm tired.

फीलिंग ग्रेट, फील ग्रेट.

She slapped me. I laugh. I lay on the bed with her in between my legs and slap her.
She gets upset, grabs my face, turns my head so that her lips are close to my ear and she screams. No words, just a long, loud, painful, scream. A scream with more expression than most. The scenery changes, now we're in the living room.
Most of this is a blur to me but i am about to leave. I recall having to throw down my phone & bag so that I could balance myself while being slammed against are refrigerator, things fall. I continue to laugh inside. She stomps up the stairs and I follow. I hug and kiss her goodbye.
End.

I'm an American
I want to rip off your head just to see your guts
I'm an American
Now you will know
I'm an American I want to rip you to shreds just to see if you love me
Now you will know
I'm an American
I felt your buzz in my tushy
When I sat where it was cushy
You made my heart all mushy
But when I touched you, you were squishy
.Sister Suvi

२ days

Gill told me that on saturday at the party, dan locked the door behind him after leaving sally and mimi in my room and mimi thought i saw them come out together and told her to leave. that did not happen. at leaste i don't remember it happening at all. the only reason i have a problem with mimi spitting game with sally at my house is, well theres a couple reasons. one being, it's MY house, MY party, respect ME. two being, what kind of person are you that you think it's ok to get with your ex girlfriend's best friend. She'll never find out, but if she did, i feel bad either way, that's gotta hurt, it being a secret or her knowing the truth. what kind of people are mimi and sally to do something like that? i totally believe that people should be able to kiss and love who ever they damn well please because i sure as hell follow that belief, but when it comes to your ex lovers BEST friend, come on!!
No wonder you feel like shit most of the time.

So i went to Clark Park and layed in the sun listening to music, reading my journal that i just ran out of room in. fresh starts all round. it was beautiful at the park. i'll miss it.

Little girls

Justin stepped on a broken beer bottle in the basement while doing laundry for the first time and was bleeding everywhere. i had to ride to cvs and get some first aid supplies. i rode through clark park, it was nice. now theres blood all over the floor and i wonder whose going to clean it up.

Yeah, blood everywhere.

I haven't showered in days and i just don't feel like it. I have my period but I'm bleeding very little. No cramps.

I had weird dreams last night. first time in a while i can recall a dream.

3 days

I've lived here, in West Philadelphia, for 13 months and in 3 days I will move back home with daddy where I was before.
My curtains will be utilized and appropriate. My sheets will be brand fucking fresh and my comforter will be cold and green, as will 2 of my pillows be. I will go to school everyday for less than 3 weeks and then graduate. I will not sleep in everyday and go out every night. On weekends and nights i will ride my bike to the train station and go play in Philly until bedtime. I will find a job that i like and save money. I will figure out what makes me happy. I will travel and make passionate love often.